It almost scares me to think of it. I started out in life having a very negative opinion about drugs, whether they were prescription medications or popular drugs like coffee and alcohol. I thought I would never go so far as to end up hooked on any of them, but I have had to apply a learning process and a lot of discipline as well as support to keep myself from going too far on medications I need and others that I have taken and don’t need.
One of the things that happened to me recently was that I took some cannabinoid pills to help me sleep that I felt were helping me. They had no THC, the active ingredient in marijuana and they helped. Over time, taking these weakened my resolve to steer clear of recreational drugs but I soon moved up to taking pills with THC in them. In addition, I also started taking acetaminophen with codeine, to help me sleep. The big problem arose when, after the honeymoon with these drugs was over, I didn’t enjoy the effects anymore, and needed higher doses to have the same results.
I knew I couldn’t keep up this game of dancing with the devil forever, and I decided I needed to quit everything, even a tranquilizer I had been prescribed. It was hellish to go off all the pills at once but I found solace in attending online 12-step meetings. In many ways it was kind of a weird experience. I didn’t know these people yet they would do just about anything to help and support me. I met people with great kindness, but it was sad to get to know someone and to see them relapsing into their addictions and to see their lives falling apart.
I hope that in-person meetings work better for people because a lot of the addicts I met were unable to build up much clean time and they were truly kind people. The most devastating part of this is that, with some of the drugs out there like fentanyl and cocaine or crack, and definitely methamphetamine and heroin, people are struggling hard and dying often. I found it too daunting to keep going to the online support group meetings with all the chaos.
Fortunately, I think being scared by this situation helped because I have been able to stop using cannabis and acetaminophen. It actually feels great to be off of these, but the problem of taking tranquilizers remains. I went off of them but started having so much anger and irritability as well as serious problems with sleep I didn’t see any way I could continue without taking these pills for my anger and anxiety. In the end, I resolved to slow the dose and try going off the tranquilizers over time, with the help of my psychiatrist.
I often wonder if all of the illegal and legal drugs actually benefit mankind. (Cannabis is fully legal in Canada, there are pot shops set up like convenience stores on nearly every block in communities like mine.) As a person who needs a fair bit of medication, from high blood pressure pills to an anti-depressant, I am a person who is ill equipped to judge whether drugs benefit everyone. One of the hardest things for me to accept is the situation where so many people have died in the US from drug overdoses in recent years that it has actually affected the life expectancy of the average person.
And so I offer this podcast to hope that it sparks more conversations with people about mental health and addiction, and possibly even changes the mind of even one young person who can’t decide if they should join their friends in recreational drug use or not. Of course when I speak of these topics, I have to put in a plug for Dr. Gabor Mate who has written numerous books about how trauma is what causes people to become addicted to substances. The good doctor, in his years of work with inner city street people in Vancouver, promotes a new kind of compassion for addicts and offers hope to the hopeless.
Thanks so much for tuning in, I hope all of you have a wonderful Spring. I hope this podcast and note can help you to understand more about what medications or drugs you use, and to find newer and better ways to deal with things you struggle with. Don’t forget that there are experts all around who can tell you about drugs you are using or taking, they are called pharmacists and they don’t charge for consultations. As of the writing of this post, I am about 4 months clean except for a prescription tranquilizer which I have managed to lower the dose of by 60%. If you feel you need help, please reach out to a professional and contact an addictions counsellor and a medical doctor. This is the first big step to changing your life for the better.
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