So, in high school, and for the next ten years, I weighed around 170 pounds. I recall one period where I was eating a lot and working out a lot while applying to join the military and I went up to 185 pounds. I thought I was gigantic, but in more recent years, my battle with weight was losing a great deal of ground and I ended up being 265 pounds. It was extremely embarrassing and if I was a kid and had looked at someone my size, I definitely would have called them fat.
My heavy labour job ended and a short time later I was diagnosed with type two diabetes. At first, as I did when I was diagnosed with a mental illness, I was in denial of diabetes, though I did go on medications and get some training on how to eat better. One of the things I thought would happen would be that I would lose a bunch of weight, eat better, and then be able to go off the diabetes medication. Sadly it didn’t work that way and metformin and another diabetes drug have been added to my regimen of psychiatric meds, blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds and vitamins. Sometimes I wonder if I could live on just the meds and vitamins I take.
So the weight gain was probably the most serious of my side effects, but there were many. I talk a little on today’s podcast about the many side effects of psychiatric medications. I don’t know which pill does this, but since I have been on regular medications, I have been much more weak and dizzy than I ever was. Sometimes I attribute this to the large amounts of time I spend inside. One of the worst things about this dizziness is that it had made it all but impossible for me to ride a motorcycle, something I used to greatly enjoy.
Another serious side effect of the medication is the tremors in my hands or in any muscle I have to use for a sustained amount of time. I often wonder what people think of me when they see this. I know that in my early years with mental illness when I was almost always off medication, I had some very poor attitudes towards people with mental illness. This fills me with grief, I was literally cruel to a number of people who never did anything wrong to mer or anyone but I was a stupid young kid and had a lot of messed up ideas as to what makes a boy a man.
I wish I could say all this has a happy ending. I am still what I would call fat. 210 pounds is way too much weight. My brother is the same height as me and he weighs 120. That is too little weight, but I really wish the two of us could meet somewhere in the middle. What I am kind of glad of now though is that since losing weight, I snore a lot less (something embarrassing for me because I often travel and stay in dorm rooms of hostels) and I don’t have as many difficulties when trying to fit into a booth at my favourite 50s diner. Just remember folks, don’t give up five minutes before the miracle happens, take everything in small, manageable chunks, write out your goals and find a professional to help you acheive them and one day things will be fine again. All the best!
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