Someone You Care About Has a Mental Illness. A Full Life With Some Assistance is Totally Possible

In this podcast, I try to explain some of the environmental factors that can cause a mental illness, and offer some solutions as to how you can help your loved one bounce back

There is no creature whose inward being is so strong that it is not greatly determined by what lies outside of it.

George Elliot [Marian Evans Cross]

Middlemarch (1871-1872) chapter 22.

Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash

I want to express something I feel that all of us must know and understand about things like psychosis, depression, schizophrenia and other chronic mental health conditions. Some mental illnesses could have been avoided if circumstances were different. I definitely don’t want to say that schizophrenia can be caused by poor parenting. This is almost ridiculous. I read of a place that took adolescents and adults who were diagnosed with schizophrenia and tried to re-raise them in a way that turned back the clock and supposedly could take away their illness. These people would put diapers on adults, and bottle-feed them. To me this was an incredibly callous way to change the focus of mental illness to blame parents. In my own life, if I didn’t have the support and encouragement of both of my parents, my mental illness would have caused me to face much worse outcomes than it did. What I want to explain in this post is how environmental factors can be modified in ways to help prevent and to treat schizophrenia and other related disorders, though I have to say here I am not a trained expert. My knowledge comes from standing on the shoulders of geniuses who have dedicated their lives to the treatment of mental illness, and have also written a book that they kindly made simple enough for me to read. Of course there were hundreds of others who simply taught me about day to day life to whom I am eternally grateful. My knowledge of what I write in these blogs comes from the books written by so many different experts or storytellers, along with 35 years of lived experience with a mental illness, and years of working in such places as my local psychiatric hospital, in psychiatric wards, and in the community giving talks to people about mental health and lastly working in peer support.

The first thing I want to mention is that there is very little doubt that use of marijuana/THC products and crystal meth is something that is a lot more dangerous than most realize. Many people who only use THC will use these drugs and find themselves elated and social, laughing and buzzed. This is fine for many who use the THC, but what many don’t know is that THC products can induce psychosis. I have known people who used THC chronically (be it pot or hash) and eventually don’t come off the effects of the drug. There is also the critical issue that after using for a time, the effect of THC is greatly lessened, and you will need more and more of it. Another thing to understand is that there are many mental illnesses that certain people may be susceptible to, but they could live their whole lives without experiencing that illness. What is needed for an illness to manifest itself in many cases is what is called a trigger. This can be head trauma (please make your children and family members wear a bicycle helmet, encourage them to wear a motorcycle helmet on the roads and off-roading. Make sure they always wear a hard hat if they work in construction zones.) I have a friend who has the worst imaginable symptoms of schizophrenia, yet no one else in his family experiences this. He was hit by a rock in the head when he was young and it caused unbelievable amounts of suffering.

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Along with head trauma as far as triggers go, is stress. In my own case, before I developed psychosis, I believe I was experiencing bipolar. I had serious, debilitating depression, and in rare cases, mostly when I drank alcohol, I would go into a manic phase. I was somehow still able to function without medications or treatment, but my life was practically unliveable. I found little joy in life and was unable to truly form relationships. Then, the stress of becoming an adult came along. My biggest mistake at this point was to try to hold on to my disappearing youth rather than to embrace my adulthood. I put myself in a situation where I had to attend school all day, work the night shift, and I was under the incredible stress of constantly fighting and arguing with my father who wanted me out of the house. During this time, I slowly started to slip into psychosis. My family cared about me but couldn’t support or be around me. I ended up drifting, intermittently becoming ill again, until I decided to accept medication and treatment and do anything I could to reach my goals and dreams. This was the good ending. I found a way to structure my life with minimum stress, and when I eventually got a job, I had to make sure that there were provisions to work as little as possible at times. I think the only solution a person can come to if they understand how stress can trigger someone’s illness, is to keep a close eye on family members or friends who may be at risk. Schizophrenia often appears in the late teens and early 20s. It happens a little later for women. If you have a loved one who may be struggling, reach out to them. Explain the importance of self-care. Explain some of the harmful effects things like stress or drug use can bring. Presently, I have been under a great deal of stress with a demanding job and writing schedule, and my sister was able to spot that I am going down a dark path again and paid for a flight to the West Coast to visit one of my best friends. You don’t have to go this far though, you can simply sit down with a person and talk to them and show your support and understanding.

Once a person actually develops a mental illness, as a caregiver or family member, be prepared to be in for a difficult ride in the early stages. Seeing a psychiatrist is essential. After doing your best to understand what your loved one is experiencing, go to the person’s main health care provider and explain what is going on. This is a good time to get a lot of tests and blood work done to rule out things like a thyroid disorder or the need to find treatment for substance abuse. Above all, get the physician to refer your loved one to a psychiatrist. This will be a critical time for the person because it often takes a long wait to get to see one. Of course, if the situation is critical and there is any chance of suicide or desires to harm others (yes, sadly, very often someone who is untreated could be delusional and having hallucinations that tell them to harm even those closest to them), get help immediately. In the case of suicidal thoughts, contact 988. In the case of suicide attempts, get them to the emergency room even if you have to call 911. Where I live, this is often the best way to see a psychiatrist, or at least an intern doing their psychiatry rotation. If the situation is dire, your loved one may be put on a psychiatric ward. I know in the US that many people actually hope that their loved one breaks the law and becomes incarcerated, because the county jail system in America is the largest provider of mental health care. This is tragic, but true.

I can’t imagine the environment of a jail being conducive in any way to having surroundings that help your loved one, but in my own opinion, it is better that they are in jail than untreated out in the streets. If a person is homeless and experiencing psychosis, they will have a very difficult time ever finding help. Also, if a person is off their antipsychotic medication, not only will going back on it require a higher dose of medication, but it can also cause brain damage as the mental illness ravages them.

In my own case, perhaps the best thing that happened in my mental health treatment was to be put into a group home. It is important to note though that there are many kinds of group homes and not all of them are beneficial. What I found in the one I went to was regular food, regular exercise, regular sleep, regular medication, and the ability to live almost totally without the stigma of having a mental illness. This is what allowed me to thrive. I have to admit, the very first night I was there I didn’t think I would last more than a few days. I ended up staying for 15 years and did a great deal of maturing and growing. Perhaps even more important was that for the first time in my life, I didn’t just rent a room or stay at one place for a short while, I stayed long enough to make many friends and to become part of the community.

I think there is something I should explain about community. My concept of it goes back quite a ways. When I was 29, I met some young women who invited me to a Catholic bible study. I was already going to church, so I agreed. In a short time, I learned that the Catholic faith was everything I was looking for in my life. A little while later, I signed up for a course that would take me through the stages of becoming a Catholic. I was so excited, and I studied all the books I could find from the Pope or from a Catholic book store a friend worked at. I told everyone how amazing this was. Sadly, I ended up a patient in the hospital during this time. I approached the chaplain, who was a Catholic Nun, and I asked her about the program I had been taking. She gave me such a beautiful answer. She said that the program I spoke of was something that Jesus started in order to make people a member of a community. It was so profound.

All of a sudden I didn’t see the benefit of choosing one religion over another. I didn’t see any point in having negative opinions of any religion. I simply began to understand that all of us are human beings and need each other. All of us.

The idea of community stuck with me, even though I wasn’t part of one. The first ‘community’ I joined was the group home. I wanted to expand my life and to prepare myself for the eventuality that I would like to return to work, so I started going to a pool. Over time, as I went at the same time each day, I got to know all the other swimmers, lifeguards and cashiers. I met some really amazing people. People who took me into their homes and their lives and supported my efforts (this was where I made my first few actual book sales). I also found that swimming was something that not only helped my physical health, but also my mental health. One of the first things I tell people who I know are struggling is that they should join a gym or a pool or a sports club, be it at the YMCA or anywhere people gather to share their lives and pursue enjoyment through better physical fitness. No one is too young, whether they are someone who just left the hospital still in their teens and start by finding friends to kick the soccer ball around with, to the elderly like my departed aunt and uncle who walked in shopping malls with friends. There are many ways to stay fit, one of the methods I often use is to have some basic, cheap ways to work out at home, and to add walking to the regimen. When I first did this, it didn’t take long for me to build the desire and the cash to maintain a fitness membership. Many YMCA and City-owned facilities will have a plan for those who have a hard time affording conventional work out clubs. Here is a short video you can bookmark for later that is a simple and easy way to build fitness at zero cost.

I sincerely hope no one is disappointed with the wisdom I was trying to share. The last thing I would like to say is, a person needs to live in a clean, sanitary, and organized space, and when they do, they will always feel better about themselves. This isn’t to say you need to get your loved one to clean up immediately, things can best be done in stages, and at times when other issues such as medication are fully dealt with. If your loved one lives with you it may be necessary to clean their room for them for a period and to gently coax them into maintaining proper hygiene (this is a very common symptom of schizophrenia and other forms of mental illness). If they live alone, help them but don’t do the job for them. Explain that if they can’t keep things clean they may end up in a dire situation, either from being kicked out in the cold as happened to a close friend who has been staying with me, to simply developing a physical illness that won’t help their mental health at all. They may even end up having to live in a restrictive group home they won’t enjoy at all. Encourage them to fill up small chunks unused time by picking up a few things, taking a rag and giving the counters a quick swipe, or even pushing around a broom while their coffee percolates or the commercials are on TV. One of the things I really loved about living in the group home was that we all took a turn cooking for each other. I learned how to make so many dishes, and I actually enjoy cooking. One idea may be to tell the person in your life with an illness that you are going to come over for supper once a week, and encourage them to learn more about healthy eating. Buy them a simple, basic cookbook. Teach them the best way to make rice, buy them cookie sheets or muffin trays.

Well, I said I would conclude but I thought of one more thing I wanted to mention. There is an author Marie Kondo who wrote a book called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” She had a TV show for a while as well. Her idea was to take each type of item in your house, pile them all together, then to decide if this thing sparks joy in their life, and if it doesn’t, donate it, sell it, or throw it away. You start with clothes, then move to books. Once you have done all of these things, you need to take what you have left and organize them in your living space and consider where you put them as that things’ home. Each time you use the can opener, put it in exactly the same place. Doing this will allow you to keep things tidy once and for all. You shouldn’t ever need to pile all of your stuff up again, though you should routinely monitor possessions that don’t spark joy in your life.

Thank you dear readers, for going down today’s long and difficult path. Remember how important environment, community, exercise, abstinence from substances, cleanliness and proper medication are. I suppose one day I should write a book about all this, but for now I am happy to just think that this post will help even one person. To me that would make it all worthwhile.